Busting the stigma about suicide

We may sometimes refer to people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide as ‘selfish.’ In today’s lesson, Leigh Ioffe busts this myth, and explains how we can take a gentler, more empathetic approach to understanding people who are struggling with difficult thoughts.

“Hi everyone, Leigh here. At the time of filming this video, we are at week 5 or week 4, for some people, of quarantine during the COVID-19 pandemic. This is the week where it’s really starting to sink in for a lot of people that this is something that is a little bit longer term than we expected. I know for myself personally, the whole first month of this pandemic was kind of just a lot of scrambling to find safety and stable ground. And now, it’s kind of that realization that we might be in it for longer than we thought. Even though it is temporary, and we know it will end, we don’t have an end date.
So, on the topic of mental health and specifically suicide prevention and alertness, this is where it becomes crucial. This is the time where it becomes really crucial to look out for each other. People who were struggling before are going to be struggling a lot more now because if they couldn’t see an end before, they definitely can’t see an end now. And so, what I want to talk to you guys about today is, first of all, busting a myth about suicide and people who struggle with thoughts of suicide. And also, within busting that myth, explaining how and why people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide reached the conclusion that their life does not have a meaning and that the end result of what they’re dealing with, the conclusion they come to that seems the most logical to them, is to kill themselves. Now, the myth here is that people who struggle with thoughts of suicide are selfish. It’s very easy for us to judge people when we have a difficult time empathizing with them. Right, last time we spoke about empathy and how to empathize with someone when they’re in pain, when we can’t get into the mindset of the person. We see their actions or their behaviors or the things that they do. When we say this person is selfish, they don’t care about other people, they only care about themselves. And the truth is that, if that’s not true, people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide are in immense, immense, immense amount of pain. And all of us have gone through pain that has heartbreaking, heart-searing, devastating, life-altering pain. We know that feeling. You don’t have to struggle with thoughts of suicide to know what that feels like. And for someone who’s gotten to that point, they see death as a way out of pain.
So, they’re not looking for a way to kill themselves, you know. Death is the result of how they see to end the pain. They get tunnel vision, you know? If you’ve ever been stuck in a tunnel, like for New Yorkers, if you’ve ever been stuck in the Holland Tunnel, you know you’re too far in to see the entrance or the exit, and it can get a little claustrophobic in there, and your brains to us to go a little crazy, that’s what happens, you know? Think of that example for someone who’s struggling with thoughts of suicide. They all can only see the pain they’re in. They can’t see the logical responses, which is that there are people who care about them and there are people who love them, and they do have a meaning and they do have a purpose in this world. They can’t see anything, not to the left, not to the right. All they see is, “I’m in pain. I need this to end. This is how I’m going to end it.”
Now, at the same time, like I said before, they’re not sure that what they actually want is to kill themselves. What they know is that they need to end the pain they’re in, right? If you have an exploding headache, you’ll do anything, anything to get rid of that pain. If you break your leg, right, on the way to the emergency room, you will do whatever it takes to stop thinking about that pain. And so, this is what they do. There is so much emotional and mental pain that they need
to do something to stop it. At the same time, though, they’re not actually sure that that’s what they want. Is this really what I want? Do I really want to kill myself? Is there another solution? And so, even while they’re getting, and you know, they’re in the headspace of making a plan, you know, giving away their stuff, saying their goodbyes, even though they don’t necessarily say their goodbyes outright because that would, you know, notify people that there’s something going on. And they do feel a sense of ambiguity, meaning they’re not sure that that’s what they want. And because there’s a sense of ambiguity around people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide, what they do is they give us signs, red flags.
They try to, you know, flag us down and wave us down and say, “Hey, I’m struggling with something, and I don’t know how to ask for help.” Now, this is where it comes to a head, this is where it comes, this is where the ball’s in our court, in our court, you know? Someone who’s struggling could be giving us all signs. We’ll go into signs in the next video and what to look for, but they try to get us to recognize that they need help. And then when we see those signs, we have two options. We can walk away, turn a blind eye, pretend we didn’t see it, or we can get curious and uncomfortable and say, “Hey, I see these things. This makes me think you need help. Can I help you?” And so, the offering that I would like to present to you guys today is, regardless of whether or not you know someone who’s struggling with mental health or thoughts of suicide right now, as a community, as a world, as a global community, we need to come together and look out for each other. And I know I say this in every video, but it’s really true. So, if you see, and it’s obviously also difficult to see face to face if people are struggling with things, but if you hear your friends, or your co-workers, your peers, your siblings, your parents, your children, say things to you that seem out of the ordinary for who that person is and what their personality is normally like, don’t be afraid to get curious. It’s scary but do it anyway. I always tell people it’s scary to do something about it, but it’s scarier in the long term not to do something.
So, remember, people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide are not selfish people. They’re in pain, and people in pain look for ways out. We all know what that feels like, and we should empathize and get curious and be willing to say, “I see your pain, and I’m willing to show up for you.” I want to wish all of you health and safety. I hope everyone’s staying safe and that your loved ones are well. And if they’re not, I wish everyone speedy, healthy recovery. Reason that we should all be able to have these conversations face to face and not over social media, but in the meantime, since we’re all here, let’s get together and continue talking about how we can make a difference for our friends while we’re socially distant but not isolated. And next week or next time, we’ll discuss signs, how to recognize them, and then how to use the signs that you see to approach someone to offer them help.”